Moms are put under a magnifying glass or a pressure cooker of sorts. We feel like we need to make the best decisions for our child but also are afraid to do things differently at the risk of harming our child. Throw in the world’s judgement, social media, and modern society, whew it is rough. It is not easy to make “the right decision” for your child every time and sometimes can feel burdensome to choose different than the norm. So here are some things that I do that are supposedly no nos at least to some. Let me know the ways you are a “bad mom” below, I would love to connect.
Bad Moms Don’t Practice “Safe Sleep”
In my first go around of becoming a mom to a newborn I tried my best to stick to the book. Or at least the latest technique that they push on you while in the hospital for “safe sleep”. Wrap the baby as tight as possible into a burrito, insert pacifier, lay babe on back in crib. Eventually my daughter came to like that for sleeping and survived.
However when my second born came I just knew he would sleep better on his tummy. I was worried only because of all the warnings of SIDS. So I spent that first night half awake praying he would be alive in the morning, he was. I continued to put him to bed on his tummy and from the research I did (yes, you can do your own research and use your discernment) I felt comfortable doing it for the rest of his life.
There are a couple sleep rules I do follow despite breaking others they are:
- no extra toys or pillows in crib
- properly fitting sheet
- not too hot/cold
As baby gets older I tend to allow a little swaddle blanket in the crib. There is lots of interesting information on SIDS out there and I highly recommend looking deeper when decided what is best for your family.
Bed Sharing or Co-Sleeping
Co-sleeping is a great option for some moms, but I couldn’t commit all the way. For the first six months of baby’s life I practically co-sleep. If I muster enough energy to put baby to sleep in his crib after nursing, I will. There is so much information on co-sleeping and though I personally don’t do it, it might be a good option for your family. I allow my baby in my bed basically whenever he needs to nurse, so in the early stages that ends up being most of the night.
I honestly sleep a lot better when my baby is not in bed with me. Especially after the night nursing has gone down a bit. If co-sleeping works for you it might be a great way to sleep your baby. Every decision, sleep or otherwise has a pro and con so weigh out yours.
Bad Mamas Also Prohibit Screen Time
The fact that people are even mildly upset at the idea that my children don’t get to watch tv blows me away. I have never ever heard an adult say I wish I watched more tv. Actually the opposite is true, we see grown adults having to use apps to cut down on screen time. The idea that a screen free parent is a bad mom is actually absurd. Parents who go screen free are working hard to make it work for the sake of their children. In many scenarios it is far easier to turn on a show. To learn more about why we choose to be screen free check out this post or this Youtube video.
Let Their Kids Get Hurt
No I don’t let my kids jump off the roof and break a limb, but I do let my kids fall down and get hurt. One of the mistakes I personally think this generation of parents have fallen into is over-coddling our children. Of course all good parents don’t want to see their children get hurt. But getting hurt is part of living life, making choices, and understanding the world we live in. Our baby’s can learn a lot from falling down. So when we go to the playground I don’t hover over my baby. If the toddler is doing something that might make him fall down I usually just give him a verbal warning and let him decide what to do.
Don’t Console Right Away
I also don’t console right away. During the tiny baby phase I am quick to run over and console my child if she is hurt. However when my kids are big enough to come to me for help, I take my time to come over and check on them. I don’t ignore them. I just try not to be alarmed. As a first time mom sometimes we jump the gun and run over to comfort our child who has only minorly scraped her knee.
As long as child is not severely hurt or gushing out blood, I take my time. We live in a world where children (and adults let’s be honest) expect instant gratification. Life is not really like that, so I think it benefits our kids when we swiftly but not immediately console them. Sometimes they realize they are fine and don’t even need your help.
Bad Moms Allow Kids to Play in the Dirt
My children play in the dirt and I let them. Sometimes I would really prefer they would not play in the dirt, but dirt is so good for kids to be in. Oversanitization of our kids is so normalized. But it can be really detrimental to the children’s natural microbiome to constantly be busting out the hand sanitizer (don’t even get me started on bath and body works). Kids love getting dirty it is fun. They are learning through exploration. Let the kids play in the dirt, I mean if I wasn’t busy being the parent I might?
Eat Food Off the Ground
My child (children let’s be real) eats food off the ground. Do I feed him at meal times at the table in his high chair…mostly. Do I freak out and not let him eat the food his siblings drop from their snack…nope.
Every one of my kids has eaten food off the ground. I do not purposely have them eat off the ground it just happens. Sometimes I eat food off the ground *shoulder shrug*. If we are in the bathroom, somewhere really dirty, or my child is already sick that would be different and a firm no. However, my baby cleaning up the scraps before the vacuum comes out is always welcomed.
We are a Christian family and firmly believe that the Bible is true. In our family we believe that as parents it is our duty to raise our children in the way they should go (Read Proverbs 22). As the adults, we know better than our children what is best for them. Though we will make mistakes we require obedience not as a dictatorship, but as a way of protecting and fostering goodness in them. Sonya from Simply Charlotte Mason had a great video on this topic of Christian obedience in children that I will link here.
Sleep Train, Gently?
Okay cats out of the bag now, we sleep train our kids. Now I know some moms will read that title and in their head say “okay this lady clearly does not even know what she is talking about”. All I will say is that we do not have to align perfectly with parenting choices to learn from one another.
Our family does what I would like to call gentle sleep training. I wait till baby is eating lots of solid foods and I am mentally prepared to slow down/stop nursing through the night.
Here is what we do:
- Make sure baby is well fed, dressed comfortably, and has a clean diaper
- See if baby wants to nurse one last time and offer both sides
- Put baby down tired, but not asleep
- When baby awakes put on a timer or take the time down mentally to know when 15 minutes has passed but do not get him
- If baby’s cry sounds painful, like something is wrong rather than just wanting to be held, go in check on baby and nurse if needed.
Here is what usually happens, baby falls asleep well before 15 minutes have passed. You know what takes longer than 15 minutes? Most car rides, grocery shopping, and almost all things that relate to living life. People who like to torment mothers by saying they are going to emotionally or psychologically damage their child for letting them cry in short increments, are really doing everyone a disservice.
Baby’s are actually quite smart. Most know how to manipulate you. Not in a evil sense, but in the way we manipulate others as adults as well. It is human tendency to act in a way when you know you will get a desired result. When we constantly run into our crying baby’s room every time they cry, they have an expectation. Maybe you are okay with running into the room every single night, but for our family we found gentle sleep training to be ideal. My kids sleep really great and I am so grateful I did research on both sides of the discussion.
Are You a Part of the Bad Moms Crew?
What is something you have decided to go against the norm with on motherhood? Are you glad you did? I would love to hear about it.
If you liked this post you might like some of these too:
- How to Decongest Your Baby – Home Remedies
- Teach Your Child to Blow Their Nose (Easy)
- Things That I Do, That Only Bad Moms Do
- How to Stop Having Mom Guilt & Start Living
- Which Nursing Cover is the Best?
Thanks for stopping by I would love to connect with you in the comments.
These resonated with me too, and I am a big fan of safe co-sleeping for the first year because that is the only way we all got to sleep!
Totally get it! We gotta decide what works for our family and run with it!
Yes to most of these for me too! Great article!
Glad I’m not alone!
I do a lot of these, too! I do cosleep currently with my 7 mo old, but gentle sleep trained my older two when they were younger and they are wonderful sleepers. Thanks for sharing! I love hearing your perspective!
🤦🏻♀️I have done so many of these! (especially the eating off the floor thing – haha) My family has been overseas ever since I became a mom, and so it has been soooo interesting (and enlightening) to watch moms parent in other cultures. Some of the things on this list are normal for them. Other things go so strongly against other cultures that I feel extremely odd as a mom when I do these things and sometimes question whether I am even “ok.” (For example, letting my kids play independently and possibly even get hurt as part of that play is something my Brazilian in-laws would NEVER allow. And it feels kinda stifling sometimes.) Thank you for keeping me company and reassuring me! 😉
I am definitely part of the bad mom crew!! I am so thankful I am not alone!
This is so great!! Bad moms unite!
Glad I’m not alone! haha
This was soooo good! I am definitely a bad mom according to these parameters. I did every single one of these. Except sleep training traditionally. We did co-sleep and so typically my baby either fell asleep on me or nursing while we were doing school. Great points and again, excellent writing. Thanks!
Glad you enjoyed it thanks for stopping by! As Amber said bad moms unite.