Mom trends are all over social media. They are so easy to fall into purely because everyone seems to be doing them. Today let’s talk about a few trends that simply have to go.
Trends do not occur by chance, usually they happen because a lot of people feel the same way about something. It is not a bad thing to have feelings, the problem comes when we choose to act on them in an inappropriate way. Perhaps some of our feelings as moms need filtering. Here are some mom trends I think need to go.
Complaining About You Kids
This mom trend is everywhere. As a mom it is easy to complain about your child. Especially when you are with other mamas, it can become a way we relate with them. There is a fine line between sharing a struggle and talking crap about your kid. With the new age of social media, we might even find ourselves complaining about or child online for the whole internet to see.
Our children are little humans who have a complex range of emotions and less experience in managing them appropriately. They might not even know what you do online. Imagine your husband busts out his smart phone during an argument while you are not being the kindest wife(spoiler, sometimes I am not kind) so he can post it all over his Instagram stories. It would be absurd for him to even think of doing that, so why do we subject our little ones to this shame?
We have all done it in one way or another, it’s what humans tend to do. But with the way the world already devalues children, why would we continue to promote the idea that children do nothing but suck the life out of us. Children are a huge blessing and come with lots of work. This can translate to lots to complain about.
I propose we change the way we talk about our kids. Instead of what we think annoys us, let’s reframe it to what we as mother’s are struggling with. If we are honest the issue is usually our attitude. You really cannot rush development. I still complain about my kids, not purposely, but I do. So let’s work on catching ourselves before we speak about the struggles we are facing. Asking ourselves if we truly want help or if we are just looking to complain.
Treating Children Like a Pain
Children are a blessing and yes I say that a lot, but they are. Pretending kids are just little leeches that suck all the fun out of life is just no good. When I first was getting married I remember a family friend saying and many others, “just wait to have kids and have fun,” as if kids were not fun. Having little ones does make it difficult to do things like travel or go on lots of dates, but it does not lack fun.
Do I hide in the bathroom sometimes to take get away from my kids? Sure. Do my children sometimes act foolishly and feel like a pain? Sometimes. Am I the one that brought them into the world with hopes to care for them and be a good mother to them? Yup. Let’s take responsibility for our kids and if they feel like a really hard time, maybe it is time to look to how we are parenting them and take some of the blame.
Having the Hardest situation
This is probably something you have encountered before. Talking to the mom who thinks that her life is way harder than anyone else. Maybe her life is way harder, but that does not benefit anyone. In the same regard of complaining about your children, do not be that mom that is constantly ignoring other mom’s struggles to explain how hard her situation is.
“Oh just wait until you have teenagers, that is hard.”
“My son has this learning disability, just be glad you don’t have to deal with that.”
“She had colic, so I probably got even less sleep than you.”
These phrases don’t help anyone. Every mom struggles, even the one with the most docile wonderful kid. It is easy to compare our experiences to one another and sometimes can be helpful. However, if you find yourself making your mom life out to be way harder than other moms, it’s time to ask yourself why? Are you still carrying stress or resentment from that time that you need work out? It is perfectly okay and necessary to talk about these things, just be careful not to unintentionally put down other mamas while doing so.
Needing Wine to Survive
Let me set the record straight, if you want to drink wine by all means go for it. The concern comes when mama needs a glass to survive the day with kids. Yes wine is nice. But let’s refrain from painting the picture that we would not survive being a mom without a glass of red. If you do feel you absolutely need wine to find happiness in your life as a mom, please reach out to someone and talk about it (email@example.com). No one needs wine to survive. The mom culture that says we need “me time” wine, chocolate, and a rom com is completely wrong.
A lot of times I think we participate in this mom trend because we think it’s a way to find camaraderie with other moms. Motherhood is hard. Wine makes us merry, so why not? My proposal is not to cut out wine. It’s to cut out the trend of acting like it is a life saver for us in the sea of dirt, attitude, and child development.
Let’s zoom out for a moment and imagine your struggling alcoholic friend sees your post about needing wine to get you through the day. Or maybe a teenage girl from church who looks up to you. Is your post still funny? Does it truly portray the mom you want to be? My guess is no. So let’s throw out the wine mom trend, but don’t throw out the wine.
Not Receiving Advice From Less Seasoned Moms
Humility is a special gift to have in motherhood. Many of us struggle with this. It prevents us from taking advice from others besides our close circle of friends. But some of the best mothers I have met are the kind who are humble. They want to learn from everyone about how to be a good mom.
There is no benefit to being a proud mother who cannot receive advice from others. At times you will be right and other times you will be wrong. Believe it or not you can learn a lot from other moms not because they have more kids or have been parenting longer, but because they are a unique person. For example let’s take this out of the motherhood context and think about swimming. It would be foolish as a swimmer who is trying to be the best to never take advice from others who have been swimming for less time or have entered less swim meets. Sure, you can gauge if you want advice from someone. But to completely shut down from learning anything because of less experience only takes away benefit from you.
I remember reading a facebook post of a mom saying don’t try to give me advice if you are younger than me. Now maybe you will never take advice from a younger mother. However completely shutting out the possibility is just foolishness. Some of the best moms I know are younger, have less kids, but have faced much hardship and used it as an opportunity to grow.
Wether you like it or not, everyone has something to teach you. Even the moms you would never aspire to be like know a thing or two. We choose what advice we will take and should use discernment. Having the humility to be open to the advice of others can grow us in new ways we would have never thought of.
Having No Mom Friends
Okay maybe this is not considered a mom trend, but we need to stop this. It is not normal to not have friends. Nothing will make you feel more looney than only talking to small children all day. You need some time with adults too. I am sorry if you feel like as a mother you have lost all your friends. If you do not have any mothers in your life it is time to go find some.
How to Make Mom Friends
Making mom friends does not have to be hard and honestly with social media it can be even easier. Check your facebook to see if there are any local groups in your area with moms who have the same interests. It does not have to be sketchy meeting a new mom from online. Just choose a spot that is public and you feel safe going to normally.
If you want to meet moms organically try a local park or wherever parents tend to take their kids out. Plant yourself close to the playground maybe in the shade so that when a new mom comes she will naturally sit near you. Smile or greet them, when you see a possible new friend at the park. This will let the mama know that you are friendly and willing to talk. You can even have your child say hello to their child. Sometimes when the children play together it’s an easier lead into chatting with the parent.
Pro tip: bring extra snacks and toys and prep your child about sharing with others at the park. Some of the easiest ways to interact with other mothers at the park is when their child comes to steal some snack or toys assure the mom that it is fine, if they are okay with it.
Lastly look into your circle of friends and acquaintances. You might not need to make completely new friends after all. Do you know of any people in you area who are moms? A school mate, friend of a friend, or family member. Reach out to them, you could have them over for snacks and coffee or meet them at a local park.